Its been a while since I've written a personal post, almost everything has revolved around fashion lately. I suppose its hard to write anything too personal for me because I want to be extremely honest but not at the expense of hurting anyone or offending anyone with what I write. I've had many days where I've wanted to pop open the laptop and say exactly whats on my mind but I never want anything to be a knee-jerk reaction. I normally take a few days to cool off, and then if I feel the same at least I know I've thought about it rationally before I put my fingers to the keys.
I've been blogging now for over a year and at the beginning writing personal material never bothered me, it came quiet natural. I'm the type of girl to completely wear my heart on my sleeve, I find it very hard to hide my emotions. Some people see this as a big weakness, but is it really? If I'm having a shit day, and someone asks me if I'm okay, I will always say whats on my mind (somedays you would be sorry you've asked). But life is hard enough without having to pretend all of the time, nobody and I mean nobodies life is perfect, no matter what you see on Instagram, snapchat etc. I've had so many drunken conversations with people about the "shit" that has happened or is going on in their lives. But everyday we get up and we put on our "masks" for the rest of the world, because we are afraid if we are too honest then maybe we will be judged. Well guess what, we are being judged anyway, someone will always have something to say and maybe that is where the fear of being REAL or too HONEST comes from. Now I'm not saying we should all go around telling everyone our secrets, or exactly what is on our minds (even though thats totally up to you). I'm just saying that maybe we should let our guards down a little from time to time. Be a little bit more real, and show our softer side to those like us, you never know the battle that someone else is fighting. I've often felt torn down or inadequate by how fantastic someone else appears, however I've learnt that it is those people who always wear the biggest masks and all is never as it seems
For Example
Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I've ever done (the greatest but also the hardest) but as women we are expected to take it all in our stride, to be a natural. There is no guide to being the perfect mother (well there prob is) yet women are constantly under pressure to be the next super mom. I was chatting to a girl recently and she said to me, "nobody told me how lonely motherhood would be" how very TRUE. I can completely relate, I remember having my first baby boy and being a stay at home Mam, the highlight of my day was going to Tesco. It was by far the loneliest I have ever been in my life. God forbid I say that out loud but its the truth, the happiest moment in my life was also the loneliest. Even now some days I cannot wait until my kids go to bed, other days I feel guilty because I haven't spent enough time with them. I'm not always as patient as I should be and sometimes I need some ME time. I'm not always going to get it right but I'm human and thats okay, my life isn't difficult, but my issues are my issues.
Its not a long post but I just wanted to say that all I've ever wanted from this blog is a way to express myself, and to hopefully to show even one girl that she isn't alone in how she may feel. I do not know the answers, sometimes I don't even know the questions but as I get older I am alot more comfortable with who I am. Have a rant!! Have a cry, be honest, you certainly won't be the first or the last
Luv Lisa xx
