I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant with my first boy Josh. In my head I was still a 18 year old girl that was only starting to enjoy life and I couldn't believe that I was going to have a baby. I mean like ME a MUM. I have never thought that kids would ever be part of my future.
I had only just met my partner and it was something that was definitely NOT planned or welcomed at first. So much so that for almost 5 months I convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, even when the doctor confirmed it I was like "no way it just cannot be true.. complete and utter shock to the system. For some reason too I was terrified of telling my parents even though I wasn't a child and had been living away from home almost 5 years. They were over the moon to say the least
It wasn't fair I had so much more in life I wanted to do and I genuinely thought my life was over. See I'm a party girl and I love a good night out as much as anyone and I believed that this would all end. Having a baby is obviously life changing and I wasn't even sure I would even be a good parent. I got extremely depressed about it all until something terrible happened to a friend of mine. She had lost someone close to her and it was at that moment I realised that I was gaining a life and not losing one.
I didn't have a difficult pregnancy or birth from a physical aspect it was more psychological for me, adapting to how my life would change. I am the eldest in my family and the eldest grandchild on my mam's side so I was never around young kids or babies so therefore I felt I didn't have a maternal bone in my body. I really believed I would not be good at being a mum.
On January 10th I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy, we called him Josh. I remember the night he was born like yesterday, after I gave birth I was back in the ward staring at him like he was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. And he was to me and still is. It felt like this was what I was destined to do, to be a mum and it became the most natural thing in the world. It was like a switch in my body was turned on. Yes my life had changed but 100/ million times for the better. It's certainly not an easy road to travel becoming a parent but it's definitely the most rewarding
The reason I'm writing this is because this week my two boys went to Cork to my parents for the week. I thought this would be a great break and I would get so much done, cinema, go out for the night, visit friends etc. Truth is, life wasn't much different. Boring if anything and the house was so empty.
It's true that when you have kids you can never imagine life before them
It is a love like no other xx
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