Crossroads

I make decisions in my job everyday for a living but when it comes to my own life I often wish that someone could make the decisions for me, especially the BIG ones. It's hard being an adult and having to make very important choices about your life and that of your families. Having kids, buying a home, getting married, can be scary and have huge financial attachments. 

I'm at somewhat of a crossroads in my life at the moment with quiet alot going on. Normally I'd be stressed out about it all but I'm oddly calm which for me is strange because I overthink, worry and I stress about most things not to mind the big things. Three years ago we moved into our house (it's a rental) and for those past few years we have been paying rent and saving for a deposit to buy this house.We are lucky I suppose that we both have full time jobs with decent pay which has allowed us to do this. So back in February we applied for a mortgage just before the 20% rule came in and since then we have been in limbo, 8 long months in limbo...see many many years ago when the banks were handing out loans for fun this young stupid girl got one of those said loans and long story short it has ruined my credit history. The loan was repaid in agreement with the bank but the bank refuses to clear the ICB report (irish credit bureau) which means no mortgage for this girl. However if I got married.......my name would be different and I could re-apply under the new rules meaning I would need a massive deposit. As some of you may already know I have been engaged for  4 years now and we did plan on eventually getting married once we had a home sorted first. Imagine how bewildered we were when we found out if we got married it could actually help us get a home. The irony in that, the last 3 years trying to sort a house out and it would have all been sorted by now if we had got married first.

A deposit for a house, and a wedding, throw the fact that we need to change the car into the mix just for fun and that's a good few euros. Money that we just don't have. I see people all around me buying new cars, homes and having big weddings and I must say I sometimes wonder how they can afford it especially when some of them don't even wotk. Am I doing something wrong?? Obviously I must be. I honestly don't know what decision we will make going forward, will we keep renting or will we get married and then try to buy. It's like it has been beaten into us by society that we have to own a home (something to hand down to the kids) and when you get to my age the added pressure is on to sort out your life. I do think the reason I have been so calm about it all is due to the recent headlines in the news. Life could be so much harder.These things are all just materialistic and yes they do matter but they are nothing without your life or your health.

When I started this blog I promised myself I'd be as honest as I could which can be hard when some things are very personal and you don't know who is reading your posts. But this is real life and it can be tough. I want to give a true reflection of what's going on in mine so that maybe others who face the same issues can relate and not feel alone. 

Lisa xx